Despite living a few short miles away, I haven't been to the South of England Showground at Ardingly for nigh on forty years. It was a regular venue for school trips and family outings in the 1970s, a confusing miasma of identical farmyard animals sporting rosettes and stalls selling pots of preserves. All I used to return home with was a lingering smell in my nose, an unmentionable substance in the sole of my Green Flash and yet another mini pot of clover honey.

Returning there last weekend for the start of a brand new event in the sportive calendar, the Wiggle Ashdown, brought a sense of misplaced nostaglia. I imagined running through buildings that couldn't have existed then, round corners and coming face to face with the business end of a Shire horse with his, ahem, handbrake engaged. The stuff of nightmares, or is that nightstallions?

Spring is here on the Wiggle Ashdown Sportive. Photo: UK Cycling Events
Spring is here on the Wiggle Ashdown Sportive. Photo: UK Cycling Events

Anyway, mental scarring aside, the windswept exhibition ground seemed overly large compared to other events I had done of late, but there were many more cyclists turning up in the next two hours while I helped out on registration. Quite a few had taken advantage of a peek out from behind the curtains to go for an 'on-the-day' entry, with the weather shaping up to be somewhere between 'nippy' and 'mighty fine'.

To praise the registration crew would sound somewhat biased, but we were blummin' brilliant, although the new design dossards for the photographers were a tad adhesive and a few riders returned to the desk having been given two numbers. This didn't cause any major issues, however, and any mishaps were calmly and efficiently dealt with.

With the wind blowing in from the south, me and Nick saddled up and took the line, receiving the comprehensive safety talk we usually do at the start, with the emphasis on 'no littering'. It's a constant embarrassment to me to see signs of carelessness around the route, from gel wrappers to spent tubes. It's mostly avoidable, and fair do's to Wiggle and other organisers who make litter responsibility part of their admin. Eventually the message will go in.

Standard route on the Wiggle Ashdown Sportive.
Standard route on the Wiggle Ashdown Sportive.

The first half of the Standard course took us north to Turners Hill, west and then south in the direction of Haywards Heath, the western edge of the Ashdown Forest. The gradients are mostly kind, steep climbs only coming in short, sharp shocks so our average speed was quite reasonable, aided by the near unique occurrence of a tailwind, a phenomenon seldom seen by many cyclists...

After 40km of undulating terrain we found ourselves a mere 2km south of the start in Ardingly Village, and heading for the Ashdown proper. At 45km we came to our feed station in Horsted Keynes, a baccanalian feast of PowerBar goodies and assorted sugary things. Plus hot drinks - never turn down a hot drink on a bike ride. PowerBar are the new sponsors for these Wiggle rides, and in my opinion, it's a great move. I find their range of options much wider than the previous sponsor, and much more palatable. And the free bottles are a groovy yellow.

Kidds Hill? Young rider jersey winner. Photo: UK Cycling Events
Kidds Hill? Young rider jersey winner. Photo: UK Cycling Events

Suitably dizzy from sugar-overload, we carried on round the second loop of the course, seemingly climbing continually towards the top of the Forest and, for some, the prize of the day - Kidds Hill, aka The Wall. Now, last time I encountered this hill I appeared to being climbing at such a glacial rate I was accused of doing a 15-minute track stand. Not so this time. This time Humpty got to fall off The Wall with the kind of arrow-straight descent that can top out at 70kmh and brings tears to your eyes and a lump to your throat if you're not careful what you swallow. All the fatigue of the previous 65km is lost in two minutes of gravity-induced euphoria - a purer descenders' hill I have yet to find matched elsewhere in the south of England.

Homeward bound and paying back for the drop in altitude with another sloggy climb towards Sharpthorne, the final 20km was more of a warm down, with a couple of sneaky short climbs thrown in to keep your heart rate up and your cadence high. Those 'lucky' enough to be on the Epic course did much of the same route as the Standard, with a couple of extra hilly loops cleverly tacked on towards the end of the ride, such is the choice of hilly diversions around this part of East Sussex.

I enjoyed this course immensely. Not only is it over terrain I know well, it ramps up the difficulty towards the end, meaning that you're not too exhausted when you reach the hillier parts. I'm looking forward to revisiting these roads again soon. I wonder if you can still buy those pots of clover honey...

Other massage providers are available. Photo: UK Cycling Events
Other massage providers are available. Photo: UK Cycling Events

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