The hashtag #outsideisfree is well known and loved among cyclists, and just because they're smug doesn't mean it's not true. However, the fact remains that participation in certain outdoor group cycling activities - what we like to call "sportives" - usually comes with a price tag attached.

Don't point the finger at us for this sorry state of affairs - we blame the despotic sportive organisers, growing fat off the back of poor MAMILs' addiction to cheap medals and Strava. They know they've got us over a barrel. Outside may be free, but outside is also a bewildering labyrinth of roads, lanes, footpaths and bridleways, many of which are entirely lacking in cafe facilities. No wonder so many cyclists are happy to pay up to £115 (looking at you, Velo Birmingham) for the reassurance of some neon signage through this wilderness.

As if to rub in their power, leading sportive dealers UK Cycling Events recently announced a mini series of rides for 2017 offering free entry - yes, FREE!

It's called the Wattbike No Excuses Series. There are three sportives in the series and they all take place early in the season: in Cambridgeshire (26 February), Nottinghamshire (5 March) and Falkirk (26 March).

Look at these poor addicts paying to be outside. It could be you.
Look at these poor addicts paying to be outside. It could be you.

While you have to pay an entry fee up front, this will be refunded if you turn up and ride. The plan is laughably transparent - lure them in with a freebie, get them hooked on sportives, then rake in the profits.

Here's the deal in their own words:

This is your chance to ride one of our sportives for FREE at the Wattbike No Excuses Series. It's simple... Book your place, turn up and ride. If you DO ride, we will refund 100% of your entry fee to you after the event. If for whatever reason you DON'T turn up (it's your dog's birthday, your wedding anniversary, you just can't be bothered etc...) then 90% of your entry fee will go to our chosen charity. There really are No Excuses this time!

It sounds fair enough - and, if you're already addicted to sportives, then you've nothing to lose. But surely there has to be another catch?

Well, maybe it's in the "no excuses" bit. Cyclists love excuses - from headwind to lack of sleep, brake rub to the bonk, we all have our favourites. How typical, another kick in the shins from Big Sportive: first they take our outside, now they take our excuses. Bastards.

If you're a sportive junkie then by all means sign up and enjoy your "free" hit from the sportive bong. But if you haven't dabbled in sportives yet and were clinging to cost as a reason, well, we think you'll agree: this No Excuses offer is a very low blow indeed.

Thanks for nothing, UKCE.

For more information on the Wattbike No Excuses Series and to sign up, visit www.ukcyclingevents.co.uk.

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