Call me odd, but I actually love cleaning bikes. This may come as a surprise to my wife and family as I'm currently joint last in the house at "tidiness" (one below Mabel the Cat, who habitually turns all floor coverings into sisal rugs with her moulting). I was severely chastised at my local bike shop for the state of my drivetrain when I took it in for a spring clean and spruce up, so that I'm now afraid to bring it in before I've cleaned it - much like the condition some old folks get when their family employ a home help, that compels them to tidy up before the cleaner arrives.
I'm happy to let others clean their bikes however they like - recently my wife and daughter came back from a muddy trail ride and simply hosed their steeds down in the back garden, then put them in the shed to marinate. Inevitably, neglected moving parts were visited by the rust fairy so that on her next ride, my wife had to resort to asking for a spoonful of cooking oil from a cafe to silence the banshee screams emanating from her chain.
Cleaning bikes is made all the easier for me by having the right tools for the job. I've acquired any number of sponges and brushes over the last few years, supplemented with an actual chain bath and, when desperate, temporary access to a bathroom full of toothbrushes. (Shhh, they'll NEVER know...)
Winter, such as it is, has transferred much of the great outdoors to frames and components of the family's collection of bikes, so I decided to roll up my sleeves and have a two-hour session getting down and un-dirty.
I've tried a number of detergents over time, ranging from fruity smells to borderline alcoholic. Some do the job, some need a generous dollop of elbow grease and skinned knuckles, but regardless of their claimed abilities, I won't entertain any that are harmful to the environment. The only toxic thing coming off my bike is me, at the end of a ride.
The latest addition to the shelves of Lulham's Bike Salon is an offering from Wickens & Soderstrom, whose "No.1" is touted as the first EU Ecolabel accredited bike cleaner, developed in partnership with Delphis Eco. Here's what the makers say:
- Easily removes dirt
- Safe on paint, metal & rubber
- Reduced impact on aquatic life
- Reduced use of hazardous substances
- Phosphate and phosphonate free
- Readily biodegradable, EC Detergent Regulation 648/2004h
- Not tested on animals
In short, it's designed to be tough on grease and dirt but gentle on your bike and the environment. Well that's a major box ticked, but if No.1 couldn't shift any No.2s then it'd be relegated to the emergency shampoo shelf in the bathroom.
It's a welcome change to see a colourless cleaning fluid concentrate, albeit in a tiny bottle, but the 120ml you get makes up six mixes when made up to half a litre. The trigger pump on the mister bottle wasn't as gushing as others I've had recently, which meant more of what I squirted at the bike, hit the bike and not the garden or the cat. I did have to spray quite close as the mist was easily blown into me, but I can safely testify now that the dilute form of No.1 is not ruinous to the eyeballs, and my clothes weren't hanging off in smouldering rags. That augured well for the paintwork, at least.
After the usual "squirt-leave-agitate-rinse" routine, I found No.1 more than capable of lifting off the bulk of the detritus that had gone from bridle path to frame via puddle and tyre. Gone also was the smearing of various oils that my missus invariably seems to leave on her bike. I have no idea how she can get grease from the chain on to the top tube.
The patch of grass where I performed my Augean task remained green and healthy looking, so no chemical-induced nastiness seems to have occurred there. It remains to be seen how economical it is to continue using it, although after liberally spraying four bikes of increasing degrees of muckiness, I was left with at least half of my original half litre mix. I dare say I could be more frugal and just scrub harder, but the fact it goes where I wanted, rather than sprucing up the undergrowth, bodes well for next week's ablutions. A bottle of concentrate retails at £14 which, for the purpose of comparison with other products, works out at £4.67 per litre.
I finished off the clean-a-thon by applying a drizzle of No.5 drivetrain lubricant, rather than Mazola, so all the ponies in my stable were whinnying sweetly as I shut them up for the day.
The No.5 claims to clean as it lubricates, containing a mix of waxes, oils and nano particles that smooth and quieten the neglect demons that hide in your chainset. I'm guessing it's no good for frying my breakfast in, but Wickens & Soderstrom are probably working on that. In the meantime, the family bikes are now clean enough to eat my dinner off.
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